Lietuva kitų akimis (I)

Šitas pavasaris veikia kitaip arba aš sugebėjau pamiršti, kaip turi veikti pavasariai. Taip taip, kuo daugiau darbo turi, tuo daugiau ir padarai. Vadinasi, mano užimtumas tikrai yra apsimestinis, nes nepadarau nieko. Ir tas tekstas blogui, kuris kankinasi ant desktop'o neužbaigtas jau koks mėnuo, tėra to įrodymas. Tas tekstas yra apie mano pavasarinę, visai ne turistinę kelionę į Filipinų sostinę Manilą. Ir kaip dabar apie tai neaprašyti? O kol neaprašei šito, kaip gali rašyti ką nors kito? Išeina toks užburtas ratas. O neparašau aš todėl, kad man nė velnio ten nepatiko, o nepatikimui gali būti keletas priežaščių: gali būti, kad Maniloje ir jos apylinkėse iš tiesų nėra nieko gero ir ten visai neverta ieškoti, ko nors įdomaus, ypač, kai nuvažiuoji dirbti, arba gali būti, kad man buvo užėjęs koks tai pms ar šiaip koks kitas sindromas ir, lydimas vis nesibaigiančio akių uždegimo, gadino man nuotaiką ir neleido džiaugtis iš tiesų nuostabiais dalykais, kaip pavyzdžiui geru viešbučiu, ekskursijom ir šiltu klimatu.

Bet kol negaliu prieiti prie teksto ir parašyti ką nors pikto, galvoje gimsta įvairios mintys. Kaip pavyzdžiui: kodėl nepaskaičius, ką užsieniečiai, pabuvę Lietuvoje, savo blog'uose parašo apie mūsų šalį. Ir taip radau tokį tekstą, kuris prieš kelis metus mūsų šalyje buvo pakankmai spaminamas, bet mane sugebėjo aplenkti. Kai kurie dalykai yra iš tiesų linksmi ir aš su jais bent iš dalies sutinku, kai kurie, manau, tėra parašyti dėl to, kad reikėjo sąrašą padaryti ilgesnį. Be to, reikia atsižvelgti į tą faktą, kad tekstas interneto platybėse mėtėsi maždaug 2008 m., kai lietuviai vis dar išgyveno ekonominį pakilimą ir turėjo truputi kitus įpročius. Dar spėčiau, kad tekstas buvo parašytas studento, o juk sutikime, jog pradėję dirbti lietuviai taip pat truputi keičia savo rutiną: leidžia sau valgyti ne tik čili, gerti įvairesnius gėrimus, o ir besaikis padažo pilimas ant picos darosi labiau išimtis nei taisyklė.

You know you've been in Lithuania too long when:
· You only eat in restaurant-chains that start with Čili.
· You put ketchup on your pizza and think that's the way the Italians do it.
· Half of your friends disappear to work in the British Isles, Scandinavia, or the United States and you think that's normal.
· You have become tired of explaining to your friends and relatives at home that you are a) not in Latvia, b) not in Russia, and c) Riga isn't the capital of the Baltic.
· With a meal, you drink either beer or tea.
· Basketball has become the most important thing in your life.
· There is only one beer for you: Švyturys Extra.
· Half of the population working as "managers" seems reasonable to you.
· Tall, blonde beauties in short skirts are nothing special for you anymore.
· During winter, instead of looking for a thermostat to adjust the temperature in your room, you just open the window.
· You learned everything about the glorious Lithuanian language, and now you get angry about the ignorant people who deny the existence of a Lithuanian language or, worse, consider it some branch of the Slavic languages.
· You've learned the hard way that a triangle means women's toilet and a triangle upside down means men's.
· During a long night of partying, you went out to take a pee in the cold streets because there was only one unisex toilet in the whole pub.
· You think drunks shouting at you in Russian are a normal part of life.
· When you enter a bus and there is no strange smell, you think there's something wrong.
· Buses without antennae seem awkward to you.
· If anything goes wrong, you blame the Russians, the Poles, or the rest of the world.
· You see someone smiling in public and you think: well, a bloody foreigner.
· A meal for you must contain either potato or meat, but usually both.
· You start leaving out the articles, even in English or your native language.
· You become scared when you come upon big old babushkas in furs because they trample everything in their way.
· You are afraid crossing a street, especially at zebra crossings or traffic lights.
· You feel guilty about wearing your shoes after entering a flat.
· You consider cranberry the best flavour for water, juice and vodka.
· You think beer is a soft drink, not an alcoholic beverage.
· Going to the opera, the concert hall, or the theatre is just a usual thing to do in the evenings.
· Given names like Christmas tree, sun, amber, diamond, and oak seem normal to you.
· Everything 50 m above sea level seems like a mountain.
· You get a one-centimetre haircut and buy a fake leather jacket and a black cap (if you are male) OR you buy a skirt the size of a belt and don't leave the house without tonnes of make-up (if you are female).
· You consider smoked pig's ears a tasty beer snack.
· You love the Baltic Sea and go swimming there at nearly any temperature.
· For you, garlic has become an ingredient just like salt or pepper.
· You consider Lithuania the best and worst place on earth at the same time.
· You teach everybody that in medieval times the Lithuanian Grand Duchy ranged from the Baltic to the Black Sea.
· You add "as", "a" or "is" to the end of foreign names so you can conjugate them.
· You carry around five cell phones and several cards from eight different phone companies so that you always get the best price.
· You consider fastening your seatbelt a sign of weakness and are not surprised if a car doesn’t have seatbelts at all.
· You think Coca Cola is the unhealthiest drink in the world and that drinking lots of beer, sugary juice, and bread drink prolongs your life.
· You haven't seen a clear sky for months and you don't miss it anymore.
· You consider rain the norm and sunshine a special weather phenomenon.